When trying to help becomes a hindrance, knowing when to step aside is a mark of real leadership.
As an Englishman, I often get lumped into that stereotype of being ‘too polite’. And while I wouldn’t say it’s wholly untrue, I’ve come to realise that politeness isn’t always what it seems.
You know those small, seemingly forgettable moments that burrow into your memory and pop up years later, uninvited but oddly instructive? Here’s one of mine.
It was lunchtime. A group of colleagues and I, maybe eight of us, were waiting for the elevator to head out to eat. The elevator arrived, and inside stood a single woman. There was a beat of hesitation as we all assessed the situation: do we wait for the next one or pile in and subject this poor soul to an unintentional ambush of elbows and backpacks?
Our stomachs won. We apologetically filed in, crowding her into the back like sardines in a tin – British ones, so we at least felt bad about it.
When we reached the ground floor, instinct took over. One of us held the door while the rest tried to shuffle awkwardly to the sides, hoping to give her room to exit first. It was chivalry, sure, but utterly impractical. She had to twist and squeeze her way out as we tried to be ‘gentlemanly’.
That’s when one colleague said something I’ve never forgotten:
“Sometimes, the most polite thing to do is just get out of the way.”
He stepped out, made space, and voilà – problem solved.
That phrase has been echoing in my mind lately.
When stepping in does more harm than good
Two situations from the past have brought this idea into sharper focus for me.
In one, someone joined a project late in the game and began offering sweeping feedback, most of it outside their area of expertise. It wasn’t malicious. They meant well. But the result? Frustration, confusion, and a noticeable slowdown. The team, which had been moving with clarity and momentum, suddenly found itself second-guessing decisions that had already been baked into the process.
Feedback is a gift, yes, but only when it’s offered with humility, context, and an awareness of the lane you’re in.
In another, a person – again, with good intentions – kept inserting themselves into tasks better suited to others. They didn’t have the experience or tools to deliver the quality that was needed. And so the output suffered, inconsistencies crept in, and trust in the system started to erode.
In both cases, the common thread was this: trying to help is only helpful when it’s aligned with capability and context. Otherwise, it’s not help, it’s disruption.
Knowing your lane (and when to switch it)
In strategy work, especially in collaborative, fast-moving environments, clarity around roles is essential. Not just for productivity, but for harmony. Just like in that elevator, sometimes, the kindest, most respectful, most effective thing you can do… is get out of the way.